Make Me a Muslim

Supermum Revert Spreads Inspiration of Islam

She’s sassy. She’s outspoken. She’s opinionated.

And she wears the hijab.

Heather Sandouga is one of those women who constantly defy the stereotype of the so-called ‘oppressed’ Muslim woman – an image we have all grown to expect from mainstream media. Of course, like most Muslim women, Heather doesn’t live her day-to-day life for the purpose of deliberately dispelling misconceptions; her blog posts, YouTube videos and social media content do this effortlessly.

Heather’s highest-viewed YouTube video is titled Why I Chose Islam. It is a sincere account of her life prior to reverting to Islam, and the brief snippets of information that she gives about this time – of her teenage pregnancy and decision to give the baby up for adoption – give the sense of a woman who has persevered through much difficulty and heartache. But Heather’s story isn’t told with a tone of pity or of sorrow or even regret. Instead, she takes the past in her stride and appears to have strengthened her soul with it.

Alongside her YouTube channel, Heather also manages her blog, Delusional Mom, which she regularly updates. It is one of my favourite blogs and always manages to make me laugh, nod in agreement, or feel inspired. Her posts are personable and witty, with a ‘Delusional Mom’ writing style and tone that has readers hooked. From her musings on everyday life events to her son Adam’s hilarious antics, Heather covers topics realistically and candidly. She’s a mum, a writer and a daycare provider, juggling enough to warrant a ‘Supermum’ title!

I ask Heather (an inspiring woman herself) who inspires her in her day-to-day life. To me, the most beautiful part of her response is that the first person she mentions is someone who inspires love for her faith:

‘My mother in law,’ she says, ‘manages to keep her heart bursting with Islam day in and day out – teaching my kids Qur’an as she cooks and cleans.’ Then, in her own, endearing story-telling style, she mentions others:

‘I could then move on to my own mother, who is able to take what most people would consider junk and turn it into something of beauty. Her ability to look beyond the rusted and dusty exteriors of people, places and things – to see their beautiful possibilities – is something I strive for.’

After mentioning her close friends, Heather next moves on to a point that brings a smile to my face as I read her heart-warming words:

‘Of course, there are my children. Those I’ve born of my own body and those I take care of daily. They inspire me with the everlasting wonder of a child at seeing the dew in the morning or watching a butterfly as it flutters past. My daughter, who’s becoming more and more of a woman every day, reminds me that I am her example and to live my life accordingly. My middle son, who has a quiet presence, reminds me to take a moment to just be and not be constantly on the run. And who could forget my Adam! This child reminds me daily that no amount of planning really matters in the end. The excitement, the energy, the pure curiosity that lives in this child gives me ample inspiration for my blog.

‘Finally, there’s my husband. He is my rock, my pillar of strength when I most need it. Without him, I don’t know where I would be. Those long days of Ramadan when I just want to zone out and watch some TV, I’ll come into my living room and see him quietly reading Qur’an – inspiring me to do the same. Or when I hear him wake in the early morning hours to offer his Fajr prayer, inspiring me to do the same. His devotion to his family is infallible – and I admire that. Being with him makes me a better person.’

Whilst it’s always a joy to be moved by characters in books, often we find individuals who are just as inspiring (if not more) in our real lives. Source

How I Discovered & Converted To Islam: My Conversion Story♥

American Female Converts To Islam Facing Growing Scrutiny

When Karen Hunt Ahmed and her Muslim husband divorced four years ago, many friends asked her, "Now you can stop this Islam stuff, right?"

Some friends, she thought.

"Like it was a hobby I took up when I got married and now I'm supposed to drop it," said Hunt Ahmed, president of the Chicago Islamic Microfinance Project, which she founded with two colleagues in 2009.

Hunt Ahmed, 45, is part of a growing sorority of female American converts to Islam, especially those who are or were married to Muslim men, who must deal with the perception that they converted to Islam because of domineering boyfriends or husbands.

The stereotype was revived in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, when news emerged that the wife of bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev, Katherine Russell, converted to Islam after meeting Tsarnaev in 2009 or 2010 when she was about 21.

Tsarnaev, 26, was shot and killed during a standoff with Boston police while his 19-year-old brother, Dzhokhar, was taken into custody and now faces a raft of terrorism charges.

"It's not just Fox. A lot of the media have portrayed her as someone who was brainwashed and who didn't know what she was doing," said Edlyn Sammanasu, who was born to Catholic parents and started studying Islam when she met her Muslim husband in college, and converted when she was 21.

"When I saw the coverage, I thought this was ridiculous," said Sammanasu, now 32, a technical writer in Fremont, Calif.

Seema Imam, an education professor at National Louis University in Lisle, Ill., has seen the same thing. She grew up as an observant Methodist but converted to Islam 40 years ago at age 17.

"Whenever someone talks about Muslim converts being involved in something negative, it's done in a way in which people say, 'Be careful, look what happens when you become Muslim,'" she said.

Converts to Islam are as diverse as the rest of America, racially and ethnically, as well as in their interpretations of the faith. Some female converts wear a headscarf, some don't. What they share is the perception from others that they are incapable of making their own choice in a decision that involved substantial spiritual wrestling.

It's as insulting as it is inaccurate, they say.

"These reports are misogynous in nature, reducing women to creatures who cannot think for themselves," said Malika MacDonald Rushdan, who converted in 1995 after divorcing her Christian husband. She made her "shahada," or declaration of faith, at the Islamic Society of Boston mosque in Cambridge, which the Tsarnaev brothers occasionally attended.

"My faith, by definition, is for the Creator, not for my husband," wrote Ohio attorney Sarah Anjum, who converted almost 10 years ago, while she was in college studying Islamic political movements and Arabic, and four years before she met her husband.

While some American Muslim women converted while single, those who started reading about Islam after meeting future husbands are incredulous over the idea that they converted to please them.

When Kelly Wentworth, 35, told her Yemeni boyfriend that she was interested in learning about Islam, he pointed her to a Muslim professor who taught at Tennessee Tech, where the two were students at the time. When she later told him she wanted to convert, he didn't celebrate.

"He was worried people would think that I converted because of him, or that I was being forced to convert," said Wentworth, a software engineer in Atlanta and board member of Muslims for Progressive Values, a national advocacy group. "The stereotype is out there. That's something I fight with now."

Wentworth became so worried about how friends and family would judge her after the Katherine Russell stories that she couldn't sleep for several nights.

A 2011 study from the Pew Research Center found that about 20 percent of an estimated 1.8 million Muslims in America are converts, while a 2007 Pew study found that 49 percent of converts converted by the age of 21. The 2007 study also found that 58 percent of converts converted for religious reasons, and 18 percent for family and marriage reasons.

Female Muslim converts acknowledge that they have heard about Muslim women trapped in abusive relationships, but say that such relationships affect women of other faiths as well.

"That has nothing to do with religion," Wentworth said. "That's a problem with personality."

Katherine Wilson, a convert and Rhode Island resident who works with female victims of violence and sexual assault, said the media, by focusing on Russell's faith, missed a chance to speak about domestic violence. She believes Muslim women converts are perceived negatively because some people see their choice of faith as a knock against their own decisions.

"I believe this is partially due to white privilege in that there is not an understanding why an 'all-American girl' would give up her privilege-assumed, carefree lifestyle," said Wilson. "I think it bothers people that an 'all American woman' would walk away from what they think is a great life, which is a stereotype within itself."

While such stereotypes still annoy these women, many say they have grown tired of having to explain their decisions to convert. Which doesn't mean they aren't trying to change minds.

"There will always be those who judge based upon ignorance. They are of no concern to me," said MacDonald Rushdan. "I will keep on doing what I've always done. I will not apologize for being a God-fearing woman whose faith provides her with inner peace and contentment." Source

A Very Nice Conversion/Reversion To Islam Story - Brother Reuben(Abu Bakr)

Not 'brainwashed': American converts to Islam speak out

When an American convert to Islam was revealed as the wife of the dead Boston bombing suspect, Lauren Schreiber wasn't surprised at what came next.

Comments from former acquaintances and complete strangers immediately suggested that 24-year-old Katherine Russell, a New England doctor's daughter, must have been coerced and controlled by her husband, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, who died last week in a firefight with police.

"She was a very sweet woman, but I think kind of brainwashed by him," reported the Associated Press, quoting Anne Kilzer, a Belmont, Mass., woman who said she knew Russell and her 3-year-old daughter.

That kind of assumption isn't new to Schreiber, 26, a Greenbelt, Md., woman who became a Muslim in 2010.

"The moment you put on a hijab, people assume that you've forfeited your free will," says Schreiber, who favors traditional Islamic dress. 

The Boston terror attack and the questions about whether Russell knew about her husband's deadly plans have renewed stereotypes and misconceptions that U.S. women who have chosen that faith say they want to dispel.

"It's not because somebody made me do this," explains Schreiber, who converted after a college study-abroad trip to West Africa. "It's what I choose to do and I'm happy."

Her view is echoed by Rebecca Minor, 28, of West Hartford, Conn., a special education teacher who converted to Islam five years ago. When her students, ages 5 to 8, ask why she wears a headscarf, she always says the same thing: "It's something that's important to me and it reminds me to be a good person," says Minor, who is secretary for the Muslim Coalition of Connecticut. 

Muslims make up less than 1 percent of the U.S. population, according to studies by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. In 2011, about 1.8 million U.S. adults were Muslim, and about 20 percent had converted to the faith, Pew researchers say. Of those converts, about 54 percent were men and 46 percent were women. About 1 in 5 converts mentioned family factors, including marrying a Muslim, as a reason for adopting the faith. 

Accusations are 'harsh'
Women convert for a wide range of reasons - spiritual, intellectual and romantic - says Yvonne Haddad, a professor of the history of Islam and Christian-Muslim relations at Georgetown University.

"Islam is attractive to women that the feminist movement left behind," says Haddad, who co-authored a 2006 book, "Muslim Women in America: The Challenge of Islamic Identity Today."

Women like Lindsey Faraj, 26, of Charlotte, N.C., say that wearing a headscarf and other traditional Islamic garb in public often leads people to assume she sacrificed her American life to please a man.

"'You must have converted in order to marry him,' I hear it all the time," says Faraj, who actually converted simultaneously with her husband, Wathek Faraj, who is from Damascus, about four years ago.

She's also heard people say that her husband is allowed to beat her, that she's not free to get a divorce, that she and her two children, ages 4 months and 2, are subservient to the man. Such concepts are untrue, of course, she says.

"In the beginning, it did offend me a lot," says Faraj, who grew up in a Christian family in Florida. "But now as my sense of my new self has grown, I don't feel offended."

She's able to joke, for instance, about the woman who screamed insults from a passing car.

"They screamed: 'Go back to your own country' and I thought, 'It doesn't get more white than this, girl,'" says Faraj, indicating her fair features.

Like all stereotypes, such views are steeped in fear, says Haddad.

"Accusations of brainwashing are harsh," she says. "They cover up the fact that we don't comprehend why people like 'us' want to change and be like 'them.'"

All three women say they came to Islam after much thought and spiritual searching.

Islam 'entered my heart'
Schreiber, who is a community outreach and events coordinator for the Council on American-Islamic Relations, says she was drawn to the religion after meeting other Muslims on her trip abroad before graduating from St. Mary's College of Maryland in 2009.

She grew up in an agnostic family where she was encouraged to discover her own faith.

"It was, whatever you decide to do - temple, church, mosque - I support you finding yourself," says Schreiber. She's now married to a Muslim man, Muhammad Oda, 27, whose parents were both converts to Islam. She said came to the faith before the relationship.

Faraj, a stay-at-home mom, says she never saw herself "as a religious person, in the least," but became enthralled after trying to learn more about Islam before a visit to see her husband's family.

"The concept of Islam hit me," Faraj recalls. "It was just something that entered my heart."

Minor, who is single, says she was intrigued by Islam in college, when she was close friends with a deployed American Marine but had Muslim friends at school.

"I saw a huge discrepancy in the negative things I heard coming from my (friend) and the actions I could see in my co-workers," she recalls. After spending 18 months learning about Islam, she decided to convert.

The response from family and friends has been overwhelmingly supportive, Minor says.

"The more you can do to educate people about Islam, not by preaching, but by actions, the better," she says.

Reports that Katherine Russell might have been embroiled in an abusive relationship, or that her husband intimidated her aren't an indictment of Islam, Haddad says.

"Abusive men come in all colors, nationalities, ethnicities and from all religions," she says. "No one says that Christianity teaches abuse of women because some Christian men are abusive."

Schreiber says she frequently gets comments from people surprised to see her fair skin and hear her American accent from beneath a scarf. She says she appreciates it when people actually ask questions instead of making assumptions.

"I just want people to know that there are American Muslim women who wear hijab by choice because they believe in it and it feels right to them, not because anyone tells them to."

Source: NBC News - JoNel Aleccia, Senior Writer, NBC News

British Scientist Converts to Islam - full conversation !

Aussies who have turned to Islam

Loved this!!

Young Convert - Victoria of Islam

'Islam is about real love, not just lust': The party girl who's embraced a new life as a Muslim convert

Her conversion from Ibiza party girl to hijab-wearing Muslim in barely three months may well raise a few eyebrows – and she admits that her friends probably think it’s another one of her fads.

But trainee teacher Heather Matthews, 27, says Islam has brought her ‘love and happiness’ that she never found in her old ‘shallow’ lifestyle.

Mrs Matthews, a mother of two, converted to the faith four weeks ago – two months after returning from a holiday in Ibiza. And she says that the photographs of the ‘old her’ taken on that trip show all that is wrong with Western images of beauty.

She said: ‘I thought I needed to act and dress in a certain way to feel good about myself. I see girls now and think about what image they are portraying to other people, especially men.

‘It is about self-respect. If you dress and act in a certain way, rightly or wrongly, you’ll be treated in a certain way.

‘Islam has taught me about real love, not false passion and lust. I can even see the logic in arranged marriage.’

A study by multi-faith group Faith Matters found the number of Muslim converts in Britain has now passed 100,000, doubling in ten years.

The report estimated nearly two-thirds of the new converts were women, with an average age of 27 – like Mrs Matthews.

Her path to conversion began when she tried to convince her ex-husband Jerrome, himself a Muslim convert, that the religion was wrong. She was ‘very suspicious’ of the faith, and began reading up on it to support her arguments.

Although they separated last year, she continued to learn about Islam – and identified with it more and more. Then, four weeks ago, she completed the ‘revert’ process. She said: ‘I underwent the ‘Shahadah’ ceremony of conversion to Islam by repeating a declaration of faith in front of the Imam at my local multi-faith centre.

‘I had several Muslim sisters with me and they bought me a hijab and Islamic books to celebrate. It was wonderful.’ 

But she admits that her friends have been shocked at her conversion to a religion which is often seen as being oppressive towards women.

‘People are probably thinking “Oh, it is just another one of Heather’s fads”. It isn’t. It is what I’ve been searching for during the times I’ve been filling my life with instant gratification,’ she said.

Mrs Matthews, from Preston, has also had a cautious reaction from her family. But it is the response from passers-by that surprised her the most – especially the effect of her headscarf.

‘No men try to chat me up. It is an idiot repellent. When I’m wearing the headscarf I can smile at people without them thinking it is a sexual advance,’ she said.

‘I definitely agree with Islam’s principles of not having sex with someone you’re not married to and to save your beauty for your husband. So I think my next partner would need to be a practising Muslim to understand.

‘It is easy for me to say this now, with hindsight, having made the mistakes, but I think I would have been better off with partners who my parents thought were suitable, learning to love them through friendship first.’ Mrs Matthews has given up alcohol, sticks to a halal diet and plans to fast during Ramadan. She has an English-language Koran which she reads daily, and wants to learn Arabic so that she can recite prayers five times a day.

But she will not be forcing Islam on to her daughters – Ellah, five, and two-year-old Halle – from her marriage to Jerrome.

‘People think I must be oppressed but I’m a strong, confident and free woman,’ she said. ‘I know I’m one of the most unlikely people to revert to Islam.

‘It astounds me. But I’ve done it for love and happiness and it has completely changed my life.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2223866/Islam-real-love-just-lust-The-party-girl-whos-embraced-new-life-Muslim-convert.html#ixzz2AW7BMEqb 

Kristiane Backer: On the search for God

 

"As a journalist, as a communicator, I was itching to speak out, because a lot of times the media portrayed Islam so differently to this beautiful religion and how it really, truly is,” says Kristiane Backer on her sentiments in the years following her high-profile conversion to Islam.

Speaking to Today's Zaman, Backer speaks about her new book, Islamophobia in Europe, meeting Imran Khan and the journey which led her to the “beautiful values” of a religion which allows for her to look at the world differently.

Backer's journey began in 1995. Europe was shocked by the news that this well-known MTV presenter was converting to Islam. She had experienced the glitz and glamour of showbiz, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Bob Geldof, Mick Jagger, David Bowie and Annie Lenox; she had lived the so-called “high life,” hanging out with celebrities, being flown across continents, presenting MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) and being invited to the most exclusive parties. Hers was a world that had no association with religion, far from any kind of spiritually.

However, at the height of her career, she met famous cricketer and current leader of Pakistan's political party Tehreek-e-Insaf (Movement for Justice) Imran Khan -- a relationship that changed the course of her life forever. Through her travels in Pakistan she began a personal quest in which she encountered a completely different world to the one she knew, a world which was dominated by a love of God.
Kristiane Backer's new book “From MTV to Mecca” -- or, as Bob Geldof prefers to say, “From Babe to Burqa” -- takes the reader on a journey of self-discovery. Through her travels from Pakistan to Bosnia, Hamburg to Saudi Arabia, LA to London, we follow Backer's quest for true freedom and true liberation. As she herself so beautifully writes: “The more I traveled on the path to God, the more I felt His blessings, and my faith grew into a strong, unshakeable tree. My heart had found another home.”

Can you give us a brief insight into your book “From MTV to Mecca”? Why did you write the book?
I wrote the book because there is a lot of Islamophobia in Europe, which I also experienced myself when in 1995 I became a Muslim. I was an award-winning presenter at the time, presenting shows on MTV; I had my own youth show in Germany, and when it came out that I was a Muslim I was sacked from my show, and with that pretty much my career on TV in Germany ended. For years agents have told me, “If you ever want to work on TV again, don't speak about Islam.” So I listened to their advice and I spent those years deepening my faith and learning about Islam, traveling, etc. But of course as a journalist, as a communicator, I was itching to speak out, because a lot of times the media portrayed Islam so differently to this beautiful religion and how it really, truly is. I wanted to speak out, and eventually I went on the Hajj when I was 40 years old, and that was reported very positively in the German press. A book agent came to me and asked me, “Would you like to write your story in a book?” and I thought, “Great!” My time had come to try and redress some prejudices, and try to take the reader by the hand and show how I dissolved the prejudices I initially had against Islam, and how I discovered the beautiful values of the religion and tried to practice some of them before I became a Muslim.
You had this glamorous job, a lifestyle envied by many people. What was it? What was lacking?
It was the connection to the divine, really, that was lacking. God was lacking in my life, to put it in a nutshell. Yes, I had everything a young person dreams of: partying, interviewing rock stars for a living, announcing videos, getting red carpet treatment wherever we were traveling with a team, but I was inwardly not truly satisfied.

How much about Islam did you know before you converted?
I was introduced to Islam in 1992, by none other than handsome sportsman Imran Khan, not an imam with a long beard. He was cricket captain at that time and just had won the World Cup, but I knew nothing about cricket, so he didn't mean anything to me. But he became my first teacher of Islam, so I studied for three years, I read a lot of books, I traveled to Pakistan many times, I asked scholars so many questions, as well as ordinary people in London and Pakistan. I studied for three years and then I converted, for myself, not for anybody else.

Tell us a bit about your experiences traveling around the Muslim world post your conversion. What were your initial reactions to the region? Did it differ greatly from your expectations and common Western conceptions?
Well, we don't have much of a conception; you don't hear much about Pakistan, except for negative news, so I loved it from the moment I got there. It's such a beautiful country with a very stunning landscape and mountains and lush green fields and deserts. People were very friendly and enormously generous, offering us their last bits and pieces, even in the poor mountainous areas… My trips put a lot of things in perspective and really made me think.
I was shuttling between the two worlds for a few years and really had key moments. In the West, time is money, and people don't have time for each other anymore because there are so many pressures. Also the sacred is completely lacking from people's lives here. Faith is pretty much marginalized, unfortunately, in the West, and with my book I am also trying to put faith back onto the map. So yes, in Pakistan God was everywhere, everybody did everything in the name of God, and also sacrificed themselves for others and for the sake of God, to please God.
You said that Imran Khan was the tool of God to make you convert. Could you explain what aspect of his belief influenced you the most?
It's not only one thing really. I was quite inspired by the way he built a charitable hospital in Lahore where the poor would be treated free of charge. And with an army of volunteers they worked day and night to raise the funds for the hospital, as a service to God in a way. So that was really impressive. In fact, he gave up his entire career to become a charity worker, to fulfill his promise to build this hospital, so that was quite amazing. It was really his whole philosophy, seeing the world through Muslim eyes, and I hadn't encountered that before. He had a slightly different view of the world, keeping the afterlife in mind for example, than people who don't have faith do. So for the first time I met somebody who so passionately believed in God and tried to better his own iman (faith) and study. And actually, as I had always liked philosophy, I was thrilled and I was captivated from the first moment. I started reading, looking into this.

In your book you mention the Naqshibandi [a Sufi spiritual order, or tariqa]. What was it about this tariqa that appealed to you? Do you still have connections to this Sufi order?
The Naqshibandi are a beautiful Sufi group, a beautiful tariqa. One of many I suppose, but predominantly based in Turkey, Iraq, Central Asia and so on. They are serious and their teachings are very profound and beautiful, and they're like some of the people I met. And at the time I also enjoyed what the sheikh taught us. I was a beginner and it was what I needed at that time. He said, “Prayers are your animal to ride to heaven, basically.” He stressed the importance of prayers and all sorts of things, seeing life from a spiritual perspective. In fact, when I converted, around that time all this turmoil happened, and I lost my job and my love. It was the Sufism in the Naqshibandi mosque that helped me see the events from a spiritual perspective, from a higher level. And I learned about the benefits of suffering… For a believer it's a win-win scenario: When things go wrong and you go through tests and trials you'll be purified, and that's good for you, and when everything goes really well it's a blessing from God.
After your travels and study of Islam, what do you think of Turkey's contribution to Islamic philosophy and culture?
Obviously Sufism and Islamic philosophy are the historical roots of the Ottoman Empire, and it's tremendous and something that goes back 800 years or more, in which a lot of philosophers and sheiks and masters have contributed to Islamic thought and philosophy -- so the heritage is incredibly rich. Unfortunately, as we all know, it got squashed during the [Mustafa Kemal] Atatürk times, so spirituality and Sufism became forbidden and you were liable to be caught by the police if you were to meet together and pray together. I think that's all quite sad, but as far as I understand it's all changing again.

Apart from the obvious implications with regard to your career, what were the reactions of friends and family on hearing about your conversion?
Well, my family didn't know what to make of it. They didn't necessarily understand why I embraced Islam. We had a lot of discussions and debates, and nowadays they support me. They support me because I am happy, and if it makes me happy they're fine with that. As Bob Geldof very kindly said in an interview, I'm not that different. I'm still who I am at the core, although I've changed many things; my core nature is still the same. So it's not like they can't recognize me anymore.

You had a lot of affiliations with VIPs before and after you converted. Did your belief change your perception of these people and vice versa?
My belief and my growing value system changed my views on everything, on the entertainment business and on people. Now I see people through different eyes and value them in a different way… That is the beauty of religion. It gives you the strength and power to stand up and to really follow one path, never mind whether it's hip or not. All that is irrelevant, when you think deeply about it. So Bob in my view is still an extraordinary human being, what he does for humanity, the poor and also for his children and for the people in his home. Charity starts at home, so our number one priority is whether we are a good person at home.
It's been a long journey of discovery, being a Muslim. I also had to learn that sadly not all Muslims who pray and fast are honest and good people; they may pray and fast and cheat and lie for the rest of their lives. I don't know how this goes together. It's always puzzling to me, but I guess it means their faith is superficial.

Did the negative media coverage in Germany change your attitude towards your home country?
I live in London for good reasons. It is because I feel that here I am accepted for who I am. There is a very vibrant Muslim scene going on, and it's just far more interesting and international. In Germany I feel things are just a little backwards when it comes to Islam and dialogue and dealing with Muslims in general.

You talk about the intense Islamophobia prevalent at the time of your conversion. Can you expand on this? How has the situation changed more recently, in particular post-9/11 and the Arab Spring?
In London I didn't experience any problems. That is why I stayed here. I think there are two trends: One is a good trend and one a negative trend. On the one hand, we have more access to halal food and halal products, and in fact the whole halal market is worth a staggering $2.1 trillion and consumer marketers and businesses are flocking to it. It's a vast untapped market, and it's becoming interesting for the economy and for businesses. Even fashion labels like Chanel and Zara cater for Muslims nowadays, making longer clothes -- tunics have become more fashionable… That's all great, but on the other hand there is a lot of Islamophobia going on -- and that's why I wrote my book and why I'm trying to get the message out, ideally to the mainstream -- obviously after 9/11, and nowadays with the awful things happening in the Middle East and the American ambassador being murdered over the derogatory film about Muhammad (peace be upon him). The film was terrible, but it is no reason to murder someone. So these events don't help, and unfortunately they'll hold us back.

Why did you wait years after your conversion in 1995 to publicly speak about Islam?
After losing all my jobs I was quite traumatized, since being a Muslim had seriously affected my career. However, hopefully things are turning around now, so that was one reason. I couldn't take it, it was so bad what happened, the negative press campaign. Also, I wanted to make a contribution but I also felt I wasn't quite ready to tell my story. I hadn't arrived yet. After MTV, what could I have talked about? My knowledge wasn't great enough, and the sheikh at the time recommended, “Put your din [religion] first into stabilizing your faith and really feeling comfortable with it.” I am so pleased about this advice, because now I can talk about Islam with great confidence, with some kind of knowledge, after some 20 years of reading into it.

You were a part of the Inspired by Muhammad campaign. Can you tell us a little about this?
Two years ago we had posters of different slogans of Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his teachings on buses, tubes and taxis, and my slogan was, “I believe in the environment. So does Muhammad (peace be upon him).” Just to shatter some of those misconceptions. We did this on the back of a YouGov [a market research agency] study that in the UK 50 percent [of people] associated Islam with terrorism, 58 percent with violence and 69 percent with the oppression of women. This shows what generally the people out here think, and it's a lot worse in Europe, so we all have a lot of work to do.

What does Islam give to you as a woman?
It gives me dignity as a woman. I'm respected as a person and I'm not constantly a sexual object. For example, when I worked for a Muslim TV station, Ebru TV, everybody was so respectful, nobody made a pass, whereas at Western TV stations often the language is gutter and it's all about flirtation and so on. And generally Western mainstream society is so sexualized, everything is innuendo and flirtation and so on, whereas in a Muslim context that doesn't happen. People are very respectful, and I really like that.

If we look at another famous convert -- Cat Stevens -- he shied away from music, performing, etc. to begin with. However, more recently his stance has mellowed and he's admitted to perhaps misunderstanding his faith early on. The longer you've been a Muslim, has your relationship with the religion changed?
I think it's a continued involvement. For me, it's a way of perhaps submitting, surrendering more gradually. I can't say it was opposite; it was different use of Islam, and luckily, alhamdulillah, I didn't have his influences and was exposed to different kinds of teaching -- more spiritually minded. The longer I've been a Muslim, the more I've surrendered as time has progressed. Before I couldn't speak out; nowadays I am more active and outspoken about this beautiful religion. I am not quiet anymore.

How can Islam and the West, in your opinion, live more comfortably going forward?
I have a very positive view. It can only get a lot better as more and more Muslims are born in the West and go through the education system and take up jobs in the mainstream and not remain in the Muslim bubble. Only through personal encounters can you dispel misconceptions. Suddenly you hear about something you have no idea about and you change your mind so I think it's very important to engage, to interact with society and not remain in your comfort zone. And unfortunately that is what happens in Germany and from both sides.

There are many young Muslim girls who would love to emigrate from Mecca to MTV, but you went from MTV to Mecca. What is your message to them?
Read my book and be inspired. I've been there and done that and it doesn't give happiness ultimately. You find happiness in faith and you can still be watching your MTV, but if you have that treasure of faith, then that is the greatest tool for happiness and contentment. It's not in consumerism. It's not in MTV.
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Why Would I Leave Islam?

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It’s my anniversary, well, sort of.  Eighteen years ago on Labor Day weekend, a Sunday, I said my Shahadah.  I was standing in the front lobby of the Islamic Society of Greater Kansas City.  I had just attended a class for the sisters, and everyone had left.  The only ones still in the building were the Imaam, me, and some guy vacuuming.  I was nervous.  I had talked about saying my Shahadah with the ladies in the class; I planned to do it next week when when a certain significant friend could be there to witness, but they urged me to not delay, using the “what if you get hit by a bus?” argument.  “It’s not between you and your friend; it’s between you and Allah.”  Well, can’t argue with logic like that, so I mustered my courage and approached the Imaam, telling him I wanted to officially become Muslim.  He stood with me out front by the bookcase so we would not be alone in any room; the vacuuming guy served as our noisy chaperone.  I always enjoyed listening to this Imaam when he gave talks.  His name was Adnan Bayazid and he was from Syria. His point of view was common sense Islam.  He had a very easy personality but of course I was incredibly intimidated because he was an Imaam.  He wasn’t a pushover, either.  He quizzed me on some of the major points of Islam to assure himself that I was doing this with knowledge.  I must have passed his test because after a few minutes of questions, he asked me to repeat the testimony of faith after him:

“Ash hadu an la ilaha il Allah, wa ash hadu anna Muhammadur Rasool Allah”

“I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah”

He was clearly pleased.  He congratulated me and then told me, with emphatic hand gestures, that anything I had done wrong, any sins or regrets I had, were gone, forgotten.  This more than anything proved my undoing, and I began to cry due to the enormity of what I had done.  He quickly excused himself before he, too, could get emotional, and I walked back into the multi-purpose room and leaned on a table and cried my eyes out.  I was happy but emotionally worn out by the time I left for home.

Fast forward eighteen years and here I am, older, maybe wiser, maybe not, married for twelve years with five kids, living in suburbia and trying to help others have a bit of an easier time traveling the path I and so many other reverts have trod.  I’ve been through the many phases of Islam.  The “SuperConvertitis” phase, where I tried to out Islam everyone else.  The burnout phase, where I just wanted to not think about Islam at all, the barely doing the minimum phase where only guilt and fear of Hellfire kept me going, and the phase I’m in now.  It’s kind of a comfortable phase.  I’m steadfast in  my faith, I know where my weaknesses are and I don’t beat myself up for them anymore, and I try to maximize my strong points.  I’m not a “haraam alaik-er” and I’m not so easygoing that I’ll simply smile and nod if I see a Muslim eating a ham sandwich and drinking a beer outside the masjid on Friday.  I think I’ve found my niche as a Muslim and it is in writing and trying to be an uplifting presence – not a role model, I’m not good enough for that – for my brothers and sisters in Islam.  I also make it a point to occasionally poke the hornet’s nest of problems in the Ummah so that people realize that we have to be more proactive in living and teaching Islam.  I’m not Super Muslimah, and I’m okay with that.

I just read on one of my Facebook groups that one of our sisters has left Islam, and it got me to thinking.  Here I am, Muslim for eighteen years, well settled in my faith, knowledgeable to a degree, not prone to histrionics.  What could motivate a person, once guided, to abandon the faith?  What could make me consider leaving Islam, even for a moment?

Wow, what a topic, eh?  Why would I leave Islam?  Well, part of me would say it’s too damn hard.  Waking up at godawful in the morning, having to pray five – five! – times a day.  Making wudu.  Walking around with my body parts dripping wet is not comfortable.  Having to pray every day at set times.  I don’t even brush my teethevery day.  Not being able to eat bacon.  I know I can eat beef bacon or turkey bacon, but that’s at home.  I have to be a damned private investigator and quiz every restaurant employee, read every label.  Is there pork in this?  Do you make the sauce with wine?  This eternal food vigilance is tiring and I look at all the great places featured on Food TV and think, Can’t eat there, or there, or there, can’t even enterthat country, dang place is full of pork, sheesh.  I have to feel guilty or leave if I visit my mom and she has a bottle of beer or a glass of wine with dinner.  I pack my kids’ lunch every day in case there’s some sneaky pork in the school menu.  It is, frankly, a hassle.  It would be easier just to ignore it.

And covering.  Wearing abaya and hijab.  I’ve been doing it almost since right after I became Muslim.  Is it hard?  No, not really.  I’m no fashionista and most of the time I love the abaya because I can toss it on, throw on a scarf, and I’m dressed for any occasion, no muss, no fuss.  No one has to see the sweats underneath.  But boy, some days I feel like I just want to rip off the scarf and feel the wind in my hair, the sun baking down on top of my bare head.  I want to wear jeans and a t-shirt when I’m playing with the kids in the yard.  I want to not trip over the stairs every single time I bring up the groceries.  I want to not have to rush to throw something on, fumbling with snaps and wraps, when the UPS guy drops off a package or someone who turns out to be a little kid knocks on my door.  I want to go swimming in a normal one-piece suit instead of a burqini. 

I want to go out of the house and look like everyone else.  I want to be invisible at Wal-mart so that the mean-looking lady doesn’t give me the evil eye.  I want to not have to worry about what’s going on in someone’s head when they see me.  I’m not super self-conscious about it, but somewhere in the back of my mind is just the tiniest bit of awareness that some day, somewhere, some idiot might confront me or, worse, try to physically assault me, simply because of what I represent with my clothing.  It’d be nice to not have to worry about that.

The Muslims.  Sigh.  Sometimes I want to disassociate myself from Islam just because there are stupid, idiot, ignorant, jackass people who call themselves Muslim who say and do the most idiotic things.  Afghans growing opium, honor killings, acid attacks, subjugation of women, female genital mutilation, corrupt governments, bribery, cheating in business, hypocrisy.  As Yusuf Islam, the former Cat Stevens, is famously quoted as saying “Thank God I learned about Islam before I met Muslims”.  Frankly, sometimes it’s just embarrassing to be identified as Muslim.  It’s like someone finding out you’re related to one of the Kardashians or a serial killer.  It’s kinda hard to live down.  I don’t like having to give the “all Muslims are not terrorists” speech all the time. 

I think the hardest thing about being Muslim, at least for me, is being aware of being Muslim all the time.  I have a highly refined guilt complex, so I am immediately aware if something I am doing is haraam, forbidden.  I keep the radio on the news station.  From time to time I’ll check out the local pop music station and listen to a few songs.  Wow, they sound gooooood… and then I’ll immediately feel guilty.  Why am I not listening to Qur’an or at least nasheeds?  But don’t listen to too many nasheeds or that will be haraam too because you should be listening to Qur’an.  Well, maybe I’ll listen to some classical music and that will be less haraam….  Oh, and TV.  I watch the news and food shows and football.  Should I be watching football?  All those hunky guys in tight uniforms.  Well, maybe if I only look at the offensive linemen, who are over 300 pounds and not really hunky at all.  I’ll just listen and not focus on the screen.  But here comes a beer commercial.  Haraaaaaam!

Ugh, there I go again.  Islam is so hard.  Islam requires that we be conscious human beings, aware of our surroundings, aware of wasting food, aware of how we deal with the opposite sex, aware of how we behave in business, aware of what we expose our kids to, aware of our environment, aware of how the less fortunate are abused, aware of ourselves, aware of our duty to Allah, aware of the fact that life is short and there’s this big huge thing called Judgment Day.  And sometimes it gets to be overwhelming and I feel like I’ll never measure up and I can’t do this and I’m failing and why the hell should I keep trying because I’m tired and I just want to be an unconscious not-thinking-about-the-afterlife-all-the-time normal person.  And dammit I just want to go to Burger King and order a bacon cheeseburger and eat it and enjoy it.

So, yeah, I’ve wondered what it would be like to not be Muslim anymore. 

So what stops me?

Belief.

“Ash hadu an la ilaha il Allah, wa ash hadu anna Muhammadur Rasool Allah.”

I believe in One God, without partners.  I believe that Allah sent messengers and prophets to teach us what was in the Books He revealed.  I believe in angels, and I believe in a Day of Judgment, and I believe in Allah’s Divine Decree.  Logically, in my unromantic linear little German heart, I believe in Tauheed.  I believe that we fragile, short-sighted human beings need rules and regulations to keep us from royally screwing up our lives.  I see the proof of that all around me in society.  I believe that Islam is true, that when I look at it honestly with the knowledge of my own frailties, that all the do’s and don’ts are really necessary.  We like to think we are strong and moral and self-regulating, but we’re lying to ourselves.  If we had no fear of Allah, most of us would be cheating on our spouses, smoking pot, drinking whiskey, cheating our bosses, or doing something else that is bad for us or for others, all the while smugly saying “I can do it because I am strong and I won’t let it get the better of me”.  I believe in Islam. 

I believe in Islam.  I didn’t convert to Islam for a guy or because I thought the clothing made me look exotic, or to rebel against my family, or to justify my sense of being different from everyone else.  I became Muslim because I had to.  Once I realized that Islam was the truth, I couldn’t not  become Muslim, even in the face of corrupt Muslim governments, idiotic Muslims abusing women, growing opium, misinterpreting their own scripture, and all that.  Even if I fell down and fell short every day of my life.  Even if I had the hardest time keeping concentration long enough to make wudu and get to the prayer rug.  Even if I still tuned in Lady Gaga once or twice.  Even if I watched a rated R movie.  Even if, on a hot, humid, sultry day in mid-August I wanted to rip off my hijab and run through the sprinkler in shorts and a tank top. 

Even if someone hurls insults at me.  Even if someone tries to tear off my hijab.  Even if someone abuses my kids.  Even if my husband loses a job because of his beard.  Even if my family hates me.  Even if my non-Muslim friends leave me.  Even if I have to leave my home country.  Even if someone holds a knife to my throat and tells me to renounce my faith or they’ll kill me.  Even if I were the only Muslim on the planet, or the only Muslim on the planet striving to live as a Muslim.  Even if.

“Ash hadu an la ilaha il Allah, wa ash hadu anna Muhammadur Rasool Allah.”

I am a Muslim.  I am a weak, frail, moody, anxious, hyperactive, attention-deficit-disorder, bad housecleaning, prayer-missing, ungrateful, overeating, underexercising, too-long-blog-post-writing Muslim.  I will continue to fall down, I will continue to struggle, but I will never, never stop being Muslim.  I am weak but Allah has guided me and how can I be so ungrateful as to turn my back on Him?  Allah is One.  Once I realized that, I never had a choice.

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